My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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