I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
