Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize