those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
