I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
