i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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