i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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