I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
