I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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