my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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