theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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