nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
