He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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