I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
