The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
