the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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