They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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