I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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