i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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