Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
