I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
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