i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
