forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
