I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
