dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
