R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
