just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
MIDGETS
????
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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