The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
