i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
