if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
