I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
