worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize