i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
