Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
