just tell him i said nine months
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My dad just said "fuck circus"
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
