I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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