So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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