at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
