I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
