So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My dick has a subreddit
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
