Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm too high and old for this...
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
