we have officially lost it.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize