Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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