i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
