Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
