Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
