i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize