Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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