Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
