I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
