is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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