Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
