Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize