No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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