I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
