I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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