I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
