We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
