i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
