i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
