Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
