Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
