They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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