I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
