im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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