ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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