we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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