Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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