Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
