Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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