Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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