id be glad to
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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