All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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