I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
