She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
