So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
