just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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