Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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